stripper woman with eyelids painted blue.

I.

God came to me in the form of a

woman with large breasts.

She told me to speak my complete heart to Her

then put it all to rest

Speak now, for it’s a sin to keep burdens

upon my chest

i asked Her if She’d judge me

She politely said yes

but if anyone was in the position to do it,

it would be Her

She’s seen the good, the bad, the ugly,

and the shameless occur.

She urged me to bare my soul

and to take care not to front

She asked with a feminine lilt in Her voice:

What Do You Want?

 

II.

i want it all– the love, the pain

and even the shame.

the scandal, too, because thats what places

heart behind a name.

i want to smoke weed with my eyes closed–

i dont want to look over my shoulder.

i dont want to die before i’m dead–

life should feel newer as i get older.

i dont want things quiet,

i want things to be flagrant and unsure;

i dont have to understand things,

i just want things to be pure.

i want my daughter to always believe me

when i tell her she’s the best.

i want her to know that her power is in the breadth of her mind

and not in the size of her chest.

 

i want people to cut other people some slack

and know that especially if you’re black

there are psychological demons

that undealt with, can hold you back.

and i want our babies  to know

that it’s okay if they are mad

we were raped and stolen and beaten down

and anger comes with acknowledging that.

i want a promise to be a promise.

i want value restored to words spoken.

i want accountability and redemption to take place

when good hearts are broken.

death to insecurity, death to false pride

death to all the material things we hide ourselves behind–

 

She stopped me with an apology, saying She hated to intervene

but She needed me to tell Her which was most important,

 amongst these things.

 

III.

i told Her that if its true

that to know good, we must endure bad

and to ever know happiness, we first must

wallow in sad

and if it’s true that murder and treachery will never cease,

then let Love infect the earth, let Love be a disease

thats contagious, and please God, don’t let it miss me

and if it must pass me by, then allow me to have peace

and if i am to love, then let it be real

i want it raw, left open to air,

so it’s something i can feel

 

and lastly God–

if anything should ever break me

then don’t let it be a man.

She pursed Her lips, and cut her eyes

and then she said

Amen.

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